Dry humping—aka outercourse—is sometimes thought of as a thing you only really do in high school or early on in your sexual journey, but it can be just as pleasurable when you’re older. Not only can it be a great thing to help you climax on its own, but dry humping can also be a great foreplay activity, as Samia Burton, owner of Sexual Essentials, explains. Rubbing your genitals while clothed and dry humping can give you and a partner body-to-body contact that’s heavy on the heat and urgency of things. The more time you give your body to become and stay aroused, the better your odds of orgasm as well, as Burton adds.
As with all things sex, communication is key. Because dry humping can be so stimulating for the clitoris-owner, Burton says that you’ll want to speak up and be vocal about what feels good for you. Tell your partner if the pace feels right, if you want to add or subtract layers of clothing, adjust your positioning, etc.
Here, one writer explains why you should absolutely revisit dry humping:
Everyone remembers their first orgasm with a partner. Mine came when I was *dry humping* my high school mans in the back of his car at our local drive-in (yes, we were a cliché. Sue me!). Not quite ready to have the sex, we took to viciously rubbing our genitals together while fully clothed and we were both pretty caught off guard when all of a sudden, I started climaxing and moaning like I was actually possessed. After our non-penetrative sex sesh, I was so satisfied that I totally PTFO’d in the passenger seat as he sped home to make our 11:00 p.m. curfew. Ah, youth.
But I’d like to make the case for bringing dry humping into your adult repertoire. Hear me out:
Your Clitoris Is on the Outside of Your Body
Look, even experts agree that outercourse (aka dry humping) shouldn’t be relegated to a placeholder position on the way to full-on penetrative sex. “The clitoris is on the outside,” says Mayla Green, sex and relationship expert for The Adult Toy Shop. In other words, the more petting, rubbing, or humping activities that target the clit, the better.
So yeah, while society might see penis-in-vagina (P-in-V) as the end goal of “““sex””” (which is sooooo heteronormative, btw), it’s worth noting that from an anatomy perspective, your vag is definitely not just one big clitoris rolled up and flattened into a tunnel.
“The vagina has few nerve endings and thus little internal sensation and responds more to pressure than to friction,” explains sex therapist Cyndi Darnell. “This is why we can wear a tampon or [menstrual] cup and not feel it. This is also why P-in-V sex feels mediocre to so many women, because the pressure a penis creates is simply no match for the pressure well-placed fingers can manage.”
Ironically, despite penetration being seen as the big “it,” Darnell also adds that “for many women, P-in-V sex is more psychologically arousing than physically arousing.”
It’s Technically Safer Than Penetrative Sex
Carol Queen, PhD, sexologist at Good Vibes, explains: If you’re anxious about contracting an STI or getting pregnant from intercourse, dry humping offers an alternative way to get off. And while, yes, some STIs can still be passed through dry humping (herpes is spread through skin-to-skin contact, so if you and your partner are both naked and not using barrier methods, there’s a possibility of transmission), you can always slap a condom on to increase your level of protection.
And hey, sometimes, sex can be painful. Dry humping is a way to control the intensity of your hookup.
It Def Works for Me, Lol
I asked my man if he’d please engage in a dry-humping sesh so I could write about our experience (“it’s for the readers, love”), and because he is the kindest, most precious human on earth, he obliged.
The next night, we fully went to town on two pitchers of margaritas from our fave Mexican restaurant and then stumbled home, all horny and ready to *smash*. We were already in bed when I reminded him of our (my) commitment to grinding up on each other in lieu of P-in-V.
So he lay on top of me (we both still had on our T-shirts and undies) and proceeded to rub his junk on top of mine, over and over and ohhhhhhh, did it feel good. I’m someone who can’t handle ~direct clitoral stimulation~ because it’s too intense and starts to hurt, so our underwear acted as the perfect shield for my delicate lil clit. And because nothing was physically touching my sensitive areas, I felt like we could press harder without either of us feeling any pain, which made things super intense and passionate.
And when I got on top, I could control the pace and the angle of everything, which was *chef’s kiss* a delight-and-a-half. There also wasn’t any pressure to be “good” at it, because there’s such minimal ~technique~ involved. You’re literally just rubbing against each other, which made it easier to succumb to the sensation and get out of my own stressed-out head.
I didn’t orgasm (this time) from our dry-humping adventure, but it’s probably because we were a bit tipsy. Nonetheless, it felt nothing short of magical.
So there you have it: I am an unashamed dry-humping advocate. You get all the stimulation your clit can handle without the too-much, need-to-take-a-break intensity that hands, mouths, penises, or whatever-else-you-like can bring. Wave goodbye to sex, say hello to your new go-to move in the bedroom. Dry humping is better than sex, and you can quote me on that.
4 Sex Toys That Will Give You the Best Orgasm
Lelo A Clitoral Massager That Uses Sonic Pulses for a VERY Intense Orgasm
The Lelo Sona uses mighty vibration to hit your clitoris deeeeep into the nerve endings you might not otherwise be able to reach. It’s so good, in fact, that one of our editors said it gave her a “totally new type of orgasm.” Good luck resisting this one.
This silicone clitoral vibrator might not look like much, but trust—it’s actually amazing. The cupped tip fits perfectly over your vulva, and it won’t get in the way with a partner (yes, even during intercourse). The toy also features rumbly waves (no cheap buzzy vibrations here) that are so powerful, you’ll wonder how you ever had sex without it.
Where regs Rabbit-style vibrators (meaning: they have both internal and external stimulators) just vibrate and shake in place, the Lelo Ina Wave actually moves back and forth in a come-hither motion for a sensation so realistic, it feels like actual intercourse—but better. It’s also rechargeable and waterproof, so it’s perfect for solo bath or shower fun.
This 24-karat-gold necklace not only looks chic, it’s also a very strong bullet vibe. It has an easy one-button turn-on feature, and the charge lasts forever. Unsuspecting people will have no idea that it’s actually your NSFW plaything, but you’ll probably want to wear it all the time anyway because it’s so damn pretty.
Madeline Howard is a writer, editor, and creative based in Brooklyn. Her work has been published in Esquire, Nylon, Cosmopolitan, and other publications. Among other things, she was formerly an editor at Women’s Health. Subscribe to her newsletter ‘hey howie’ at madelinehoward.substack.com.
