There’s simply no other way to say it: Masturbation is glorious. Not only is regular solo sex super fun—it’s also legit good for you.
In case you missed it, masturbating releases positive brain chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin, which contribute to mental stability, clarity, and mood. “It can act as a natural [aid] for stress management, promote restful sleep, and, interestingly, it may even decrease the intensity of pain,” explains Nazanin Moali, Ph.D., a psychologist, sex therapist, and the host of the Sexology podcast.
But perhaps masturbation’s greatest power is the information it can give you about your body and desires. “Masturbation serves as a form of self-discovery, a journey of exploring one’s bodily responses and sexual preferences,” Moali says. “This exploration provides a basis for individuals to enrich their sexual experiences throughout their life.”
More From Cosmopolitan
![Video player poster image preview for How to Sex Toy!](https://hips.hearstapps.com/vidthumb/images/sex-toy-review-ep01-yt-thumbnail-1581551045.jpg?crop=1xw:1xh;center,top&resize=1200:*)
This self-knowledge can get us closer to closing the “pleasure gap,” aka the orgasm disparity that exists between (usually heterosexual) cis-men and cis-women—which, you know, is a thing we all love to see.
So, if all of this extremely good news about masturbation is true, it can’t help but beg the question: How often do women and AFAB people masturbate?
Yes, hi, self-love is super good for you and should be celebrated, but it’s not a secret that female sexuality and expression have long been demonized and repressed. Sarah Melancon, Ph.D, a sociologist, clinical sexologist, and resident expert at The Sex Toy Collective, says that “culturally, we lack positive role models for female sexuality. Being objectified is perfectly fine in this culture, but actually enjoying our own bodies is not.”
Basically, women are constantly sexualized, and yet, somehow, aren’t encouraged to own our sexual selves. Nevertheless, we persist! (By which we, of course, mean: masturbate.) ICYMI, a recent survey we published in partnership with audio erotica app Quinn found that 58 percent of women engage in some form of self-pleasure activity at least one to five times a week. You simply love to see it.
Some more relevant data for you: In a nationally representative survey published in the journal PLOS ONE, 40.8 percent of women reported masturbating in the past month. Oh, and sex toy company Tenga has also collected data, finding in their 2021 survey of 5,000 participants that 52 percent of women reported masturbating weekly.
While these numbers are, yes, promising, they come with a caveat. “It is important to note that while most women masturbate, some do [only] rarely and 21.8 percent of women in a nationally representative study reported never masturbating, ” says Melancon.
Translation: A lot of women and AFAB people are getting themselves off…and yet, a big portion still aren’t. This is concerning, because—in case we haven’t made ourselves crystal eff-ing clear—masturbation is amazing and one and all should be able to enjoy it. Personally, we’re very tired of the same old shame narratives stopping folks from fully enjoying all of the pleasure there is to be had in this big, beautiful world—especially the kind that is *literally* at our fingertips!
With this in mind, we’d like to help dispel any lingering myths around masturbation (and the idea that women shouldn’t do it) by asking 16 women to get really, radically honest about their masturbation habits.
How often should you masturbate?
Literally all the time whenever you want! But if you don’t want to take our word for it, sex educator Marla Renee Stewart recommends three times a week for at least 15 to 30 minutes each session for a minimum amount of self-love time. And if that seems like too big an investment, Stewart says carving out that time just for yourself is more worth it than you may realize.
That said, allow us to be very clear: You’re not obligated to masturbate a certain number of times per week. How often you do it is totally up to you. Even once a week will still help you reap the health and sex life benefits of self-love. “The key consideration should be how it integrates into an individual's life and how they feel before, during, and afterward,” Moali says. Basically, if you use it to relax and it helps you feel soothed afterwards, go for it—whenever you want!
Melancon adds that if you menstruate, your masturbation routine may vary throughout your cycle. “You may find yourself desiring masturbation more as you approach ovulation, and some also experience a peak in sexual interest just before menstruation,” she says. Make sure you make time for masturbation, but remember that the experience is very subjective and the amount you do it will vary from person-to-person.
However often you choose to do it, know that masturbation is a very important (very fun!) thing! “I believe that taking the time to masturbate is an act of self-care, and the more relaxed you can be about time, the better,” Stewart adds.
As for a maximum? The limit does not exist. At least, not really.
According to sex educator Goody Howard, unless your masturbation practice is so all-consuming that it takes over your life and prevents you from tending to “typical adult obligations, relationships, and responsibilities,” there is “no right or wrong time or frequency when it comes to self-pleasure.”
Melancon points out that the feeling of being ‘addicted’ to masturbation or believing you masturbate ‘too much’ is usually linked to “feelings of moral incongruence.” This is when your behaviors don’t align with your moral values. This is usually due to a religious upbringing and—yep, you guessed it!—shame around masturbation and self-touch. “This is why unbiased information on sex is so important, to help alleviate fears and challenge beliefs that certain forms of sex (including masturbation) are wrong and harmful,” Melancon says.
Furthermore, we should note that ‘masturbation addiction’ and ‘sex addiction’ are not recognized diagnoses by either the DSM-5 or the ICD-11. This language is very problematic and propagates fear and stigma.
Unless you’re literally rubbing yourself raw, you’re totally fine. No more shame in the game! You do you. Literally. Now, let’s hear from fellow women and femmes about how often they do them.
How many times per week do you masturbate?
- “About once every two days. Like, three or four times a week.” —Sam*, 28
- “I usually don’t masturbate on a regular basis. The amount of times I masturbate varies depending on how stressed I am. I do it more often to release stress and shift my energy when I find myself feeling overwhelmed (which has been notably more often as of late).” —Natalie*, 35
- “Once per week.” —Desirée, 55
- “I’d say about five times a week.” —Shelby, 18
- “Depends on the week and how stressed I am because it’s usually a huge stress reliever for me. I’d say at least one or two times a week.” —Riley, 24
- “About four or five times a week.” —Jen, 24
- “Typically six to eight times.” —Sarah, 26
- “Around three or four times.” —Kaylea, 24
- “My guess is 14 times.” —Myrna, 29
- “This can vary greatly depending on factors such as stress, sleep, time of the month, etc., but normally between three and six times per week. Sometimes I can go a whole week without masturbating, while other weeks it will be at least once every day.” —Lilly, 27
- “More when I’m away from my boyfriend, about two to three times when we’re together.” –Emily, 32
● “Usually around two times, I’d say.” –Cristina, 34
How long is a typical masturbating session for you?
- “I typically masturbate for about 20 minutes before climax.” —Sam*, 28
- “The sessions are typically short, ranging from 5 to 10 minutes, but can sometimes last 15 to 20 minutes.” —Natalie*, 35
- “Twenty to thirty minutes.” —Desirée, 55
- “It can vary between 30 minutes to 2 hours.” —Shelby, 18
- “Usually, like, 5 to 10 minutes.” —Riley, 24
- “Around 15 to 20 minutes.” —Jen, 24
- “Ten to fifteen minutes.” —Sarah, 26
- “I’d guess 20 to 30 minutes.” —Kaylea, 24
- “Five minutes.” —Myrna, 29
- “Again, this can vary greatly depending on the situation and time available. Normally between 5 and 15 minutes.” —Lilly, 27
- “Usually no longer than 20 minutes.” –Emily, 32
● “20-30 minutes. Depending what toy I use, it could be shorter.” – Cristina, 34
Do you use any sort of toy when you’re masturbating?
- “I own a wand, which produces a nice hearty rumble. Also a little handheld pod.” —Sam*, 28
- “I don’t use toys. I do, however, use crystals like fire agate and rose quartz sometimes.” —Natalie*, 35
- “A vibrator.” —Desirée, 55
- “Nope! I don’t own any toys, unfortunately.” —Shelby, 18
- “I don’t always use a toy because sometimes your fingers can stimulate the most pleasure, but bullet vibrators are bomb for quick orgasms, which is usually what I want.” —Riley, 24
- “Sometimes! It depends on if I have time to properly clean it after. But I have a pink Rabbit that is clutch!” —Jen, 24
- “No, I haven’t thought about buying a vibrator.” —Sarah, 26
- “Sometimes I use a vibrator.” —Kaylea, 24
- “I use whichever vibrator is closest to me and whichever one has a full battery. If not, I use my Hitachi wand when I want an intense, full-body orgasm.” —Myrna, 29
- “Yes! I’ve found that I love it because it’s super quiet and completely waterproof so I can use it in my shower without my housemates hearing. Definitely a plus in a shared house! It’s also much less buzzy than lots of other toys, which I’ve found can lead to longer, stronger orgasms.” —Lilly, 27
- “Sometimes I use my favorite rabbit toy but often it’s just my hand.” —Emily, 32
● “Usually a vibrator. But sometimes toys that mimic oral/clit sucking.” —Cristina, 34
And while we’re on the subject…about how many toys do you own?
- “None.” —Natalie*, 35
- “Two.” —Desirée, 55
- “One at the moment, but I usually have more—I just end up tossing out my sex toys if I bought them with my boyfriend at the time and we break up.” —Riley, 24
- “At the moment, the Rabbit is the only one I have. But I have owned several toys throughout the years. At most, I’ve had four at a time.” —Jen, 24
- “Three!” —Kaylea, 24
- “Seven, not including whips, handcuffs, and chains. My collection is ever growing.” —Myrna, 29
- “Twelve.” —Lilly, 29
- “Oh gosh, probably 10 to 15!” —Emily, 32
● “ Approximately 10 toys.” —Cristina, 30
At what time of day do you most often masturbate?
- “Normally around 7.” —Sam*, 28
- “I tend to masturbate most in the early morning and occasionally when I cannot sleep at night to relax.” —Natalie*, 35
- “Mornings, usually after sleeping in.” —Desirée, 55
- “Usually at night, around 11 p.m.” —Shelby, 18
- “At night, or whenever I feel really freakin’ stressed.” —Riley, 24
- “At night before bed, usually to help relax at the end of the day and try to sleep.”
—Jen, 24 - “The morning.” —Sarah, 26
- “In the morning.” —Kaylea, 24
- “Once when I wake up and once when I am about to go to sleep.” —Myrna, 29
- “I love a good afternoon delight, but a lot of times I masturbate to fall asleep more quickly.” —Emily, 32
● “Usually before bed, sometimes in the mornings on weekends.” —Cristina, 34
Where and in what position do you most often masturbate?
- “I like to do it in the bedroom, normally on all fours.” —Sam*, 28
- “I masturbate in my bedroom lying down on my back and/or stomach and in the bathtub most often.” —Natalie*, 35
- “In my bed on my back.” —Desirée, 55
- “Definitely in my room! Privacy! And I find it easier on my back.” —Shelby, 18
- “In the shower or bath, normally sitting down.” —Riley, 24
- “In my bed and I alternate between on my back and on my stomach depending on how tired I am.” —Jen, 24
- “My bed, while lying on my back.” —Sarah, 26
- “In my bed while lying down.” —Kaylea, 24
- “In my bed on my stomach.” —Myrna, 29
- “In bed or in the shower as I’m lying down on my back.” —Lilly, 27
- “Butterfly legs on my back.” —Emily, 32
● “Mostly in my bedroom, and usually lying on my back since I'm about to go to sleep!” —Cristina, 34
Do you orgasm every time?
- “I only ever orgasm when I’m thinking certain thoughts. I need to be
imagining that I’m a sexy queen and that a handsome, dominating drone
will take control of me. For this reason, I masturbate with my eyes closed,
as reality often disappoints.” —Sam*, 28 - “Nine times out of ten.” —Natalie*, 35
- “Yes, since that’s usually the goal.” —Desirée, 55
- “Yessss.” —Shelby, 18
- “No, not every time.” —Riley, 24
- “Nine out of ten times, yes!” —Jen, 24
- “Just about!” —Sarah, 26
- “No.” —Kaylea, 26
- “Yes. Although while clitoral stimulation is a guaranteed O, it’s not my preferred orgasm.” —Myrna, 29
- “Yes, mostly.” —Lilly, 27
- “Yes.” —Emily, 32
- “Always.” —Cristina, 34
Do you masturbate more or less often when you’re in a relationship?
- “I masturbate more often when I’m in a relationship, as I’ve often found
relationships not to be quite as sexually gratifying as I need them to be.” —Sam*, 28 - “Less in a relationship.” —Natalie*, 35
- “The same amount.” —Desirée, 55
- “Less often.” —Anette, 24
- “Probably about the same. Maybe slightly less.” —Bailey, 28
- “Less, since what would be masturbating can be sex sometimes.” —Carina, 28
- “About the same.” —Desi, 25
- “Less in a relationship but i still make time for *me.*” —Emily, 32
● “My last relationship was years ago and before I dove into the world of toys (boyfriend thought it was weird…), so I didn’t. Today I’m dating and masturbating regardless of if I’m having sex or not with whomever I’m dating…can’t count on these boys, but I can count on myself.” —Cristina, 34
What feels the best: clitoral stimulation, internal stimulation, anal stimulation? Or a mixture?
- “I prefer external stuff, primarily clitoral stimulation.” —Sam*, 28
- “A mixture of clitoral and internal stimulation feels the best.” —Natalie*, 35
- “Clitoral stimulation.” —Desirée, 55
- “Fun fact: I can actually O from clitoral stimulation.” —Shelby, 18
- “Honestly, I haven’t explored many things other than the clitoral stimulation with a bullet because it’s just so reliable.” —Riley, 24
- “Clitoral stimulation for sure! Occasionally, internal stimulation is preferable.”
—Jen, 24 - “Clitoral.” —Sarah, 26
- “Internal stimulation.” —Kaylea, 26
- “Clitoral and internal.” —Myrna, 29
- “A mix. I always need some sort of clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm though. I only recently started to experiment with different methods and sensations. I used to think that every orgasm was pretty much the same and had a set-out formula for how to get there. I’ve been discovering different kinds of orgasms through experimenting with different parts of my body and from using different toys.” —Lilly, 27
- “Clitoral! Though clitoral and penetration together rule.” —Emily, 32
● “I love a mixture of clitoral and internal. Got to change things up here and there vs having the same orgasm!” —Cristina, 34
Any parting words?
- “Orgasms are much more clinical when I am single. I tend to be more intentional about masturbation when I am not in a relationship. When I am in a relationship, I look forward to sex and orgasm as a way to connect with my partner as opposed to just needing an orgasm to relax and/or clear my mind.” —Natalie*, 35
- “It’s definitely a healthy stress reliever and a non-drug sleeping pill!” —Jen, 24
- “I find that I enjoy masturbating in the shower. And also, for me, porn can be nice but it’s honestly thinking of the guy I’m with or someone I have a crush on that gets me going. Playing out a potential real-life scenario in my head is way hotter.” —Sarah, 26
- “I was never told that it was normal until I was in college. I felt so dirty and shameful doing it when I was younger. Now I know that I was definitely not the only one masturbating at a younger age. I wish I knew then what I know now, and that’s to own it and it helps figure out what you like.” —Kaylea, 24
- “Smashing the patriarchy begins with touching yourself!” —Emily, 32
● “Toys will change your life for the better! Don’t be afraid of them, they’re safe and fun!” —Cristina, 34
Emma Glassman-Hughes (she/her) is a freelance writer for Cosmopolitan and a part-time editor at the Boston Globe. She was formerly a staff writer at Elite Daily, where she covered sex, intimacy, and queer topics. She is a graduate student at Boston University, where she’s pursuing a master’s in journalism with an emphasis on narrative and investigative reporting. She has a Twitter but her website is way more fun.