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So, you wanna buy an engagement ring, huh? Welcome to what can often be the most complicated, stressful, and expensive purchase of you and your partner’s life. But before you freak out and decide you’d be happy with an electric-blue ring pop from the vending machine, take a deep breath. Because with the right advice from verified experts, buying a ring doesn’t have to be a total headache.
Today we’re excited to kick off Engagement Ring Month with our first installment: a budget guide. Over the next four weeks, we’ll be walking you through every facet (heh) of engagement rings, from the most popular styles to tips for incorporating a vintage stone into your design. Right now, we’re here to talk m-o-n-e-y, and let’s get this out of the way ASAP: According to a recent Cosmo survey, 27 percent of respondents said their ring cost between $10,000 and $20,000, while 26 percent said their ring cost between $5,000 and $10,000. Yes, those are a lot of zeros, but fear not, because you can still find your ideal sparkle without losing your mind or going broke. Scroll on for your definitive engagement ring budget guide.
Back in the day of ye olde marital moments, the rumored general rule was that partners should spend two months’ salary on an engagement ring. Two! Months! But over here in the modern era, when it’s not assumed that one man will buy one woman a ring, that advice sounds sus at best: “There is no formula and don’t listen to anyone who tells you there is,” says Bobbi Rebell, a personal finance expert at Tally and author of Launching Financial Grownups. “That’s just marketing BS.”
This may be awkward, but the very first thing you should do is talk to your partner about who will pay for the ring. Try to answer these questions together before even thinking about any other shiny details: Will we split the cost fifty-fifty? Will my partner give a ring to me as a gift? Will I give a ring to them as a gift? Will family money or family heirloom jewelry be involved?
Having these frank convos is necessary because, as Rebell says, “as much as we like the romance of a surprise proposal, marriage is also a financial partnership. If your partner spends too much money on the ring, you both will be paying for it in the future—both literally and with financial stress weighing on you from the get-go.” Figuring out who will foot the bill is a crucial step to determining the overall budget.
Once you know who’s paying, settle on an ideal number that won’t hurt your wallets now or in the long run. “Make a list of the things in both your lives that will cost significant money in the next three to five years,” says Rebell. “This can include things like your honeymoon, saving for a home, childcare, or a friend’s destination wedding.” Rebell suggests writing down which items have fixed amounts (“like a debt that’s a solid number you can’t adjust”) and then ranking the ones where the amount you spend is up to you (as in, the price is flexible, like with a ring) in order of priority. Once you know where an engagement ring stands on this list, you can come up with a budget together that will still leave room for other big-ticket items in the future, like a new couch or a car. “Buying a ring that is comfortably in your budget will bring joy and memories of the life you started together.”
Finding a trusted place to purchase your bling requires research. Ask your friends, family, and coworkers who have rings you love where they got them. If you’re stumped, try a local jeweler or a wholesale diamond seller. Often, these sort of spots will have better prices than big-box retailers or high-end legacy designers because their storefronts are smaller and less outfitted.
The first thing to know about diamond shopping is “The Four Cs,” aka clarity, carat, color, and cut. If you’re like, “Cool, but I thought we were here to learn—what the heck do those words mean?” here’s a quick glossary:
How cloudy or clear your diamond is. The better the clarity, the fewer blemishes and defects you can see with your naked eye.
A measure of the physical weight of the stone—in other words, how big that rock really is.
How colorless or yellowish your diamond is. The less color, the more valuable.
The shape of a stone.
Each diamond is unique, and while you might find an emerald-cut (a rectangular shape) diamond with a crystal clear level of clarity, it may also be smaller in carat, which means size, or more yellow in color (colorless is considered more premium). The priciest diamonds will always be the biggest, clearest, and whitest, and round cuts are often the most expensive, says Jordan Klein, a diamond expert and jewelry designer in New York City. So before you start shopping, zero in on the specific C you care about most. In Klein’s experience, shoppers usually favor carat or cut, FYI.
“We recommend prioritizing carat and then figuring out the right balance of color and clarity to reach the desired budget,” says Stephanie Gottlieb, owner of Stephanie Gottlieb Fine Jewelry and Bridal Concierge. “Most people feel that carat is the most important of the four Cs, so we start there and work backward.”
If you’re not a diamond expert (hi, most of us), then flaws that are obvious to jewelers may not be that visible to you or anyone else who sees your ring on a daily basis—and you can use that to help keep costs within your price range.
“Clarity is generally a good place to start compromising [on budget], particularly in a brilliant cut diamond, such as a round,” says Gottlieb. “The brilliant faceting is intended to maximize light performance, and conceal the imperfections; many clients opt for an SI (slightly included) clarity-graded stone because there are imperfections that discount the pricing without obviously affecting the visuals of the stone.”
Put in non-jewelry-expert terms: Just because your one friend who’s a diamond aficionado can tell that your ring is a bit cloudy doesn’t mean that most people will—or that you will find it any less beautiful. Plus, you can play around with other elements of the ring, like the band design or the setting, to offset any “imperfections” in the diamond and save some money in the process.
Let’s say you have your heart set on a pricey design that features a big ol’ rock set against a few baguettes or a stunning pavé band. Of course you can save up for those add-ons now, but you could also tuck those dreams away for a later date. “A more affordable ring brings the option for upgrades at anniversaries,” explains Rebell. “You can add stones to the side or other embellishments to celebrate the milestones of your life together.” A few shiny presents down the road? Yes, please.
“Not only will it create stress as you start your marriage, it can be the start of a bad habit of debt accumulation in your relationship,” warns Rebell. Be wary of layaway plans that charge interest or putting the ring bill on a credit card you have no intention of paying off immediately, because you risk racking up interest like crazy. If you must look for an installment payment plan, just make sure it doesn’t charge interest, recommends Rebell.
PSA: If you have a piece of fine jewelry, you should insure it as soon as possible—like, before you walk out the door with the ring box. All insurance plans are determined by how much your ring is worth (which your jeweler should tell you when you purchase it), but keep in mind that insurance can be a few hundred dollars a year. “It will be an ongoing expense forever,” says Rebell. “Think of it like any regular expense that will be there, so it should be factored into your budget.”
Jessica Goodman is the New York Times bestselling author of young adult thrillers They Wish they Were Us, They’ll Never Catch Us, and The Counselors. She is the former op-ed editor at Cosmopolitan magazine, and was part of the 2017 team that won a National Magazine Award in personal service. She has also held editorial positions at Entertainment Weekly and HuffPost, and her work has been published in outlets like Glamour, Condé Nast Traveler, Elle, and Marie Claire.
