Not to be that bitter single girl who rants on love, but why is everyone getting engaged right now? Aren’t there much more important things to worry about, like, say, a political election? A global crisis? Black lives? My current social feeds are literally flooded with engagement announcements and websites that are pushing out articles about “successful pandemic engagements” (seriously, it’s a thing here and here too). Consider myself…confused.
When COVID-19 became A Thing in early March, I thought we were in this together. You know, baking banana bread, spending time watching new Netflix series, pretending to work out by doing a few yoga stretches every morning. But instead, it seems while I’ve been rocking daytime PJs for nearly six months now, y’all have been scheming about engagements. But for what?
First, let me clarify: My singleness predates the pandemic. I’ve been a party of one for a loooong time, so when couples were making tough decisions about whether or not they would quarantine together earlier this year, that was one problem that didn’t apply to me. (Props to whatever you decided).
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But in that time apart—or quarantined together in the same smol abode, I’m willing to bet you probably had some serious clarity about your relationship status. Something like “yes, I can spend the rest of my life with this person” or “no, I never want to hear them breathe again.”
But JSYK, that “clarity” you were (or still are) feeling about your relationship could very much be bamboozling you, my friends. Allow me to introduce to you what I like to call “the world is ending” goggles.
Much like beer goggles, the word-is-ending goggles impair your judgment. They put you in a state of fight or flight and literally a constant state of terror. And TBH, I think it’s affecting couples more than anything.
Everyone’s thinking the same things right now: Will we ever be able to hang with friends within six feet again? Comfortably sit inside for brunch? Brush hands with a bartender when they place a drink in front of you? Who knows—and our subconscious is freaking the fuck out about that. (Understandably so).
But I’m worried most about couples. The reason: These goggles could push couples’ anxieties into a state of: “Well, this is as good as it’s going to get, and I need to celebrate something good for once.”
...and, insert: the rushed proposal.
The traumatizing effects of a global pandemic could be the very reason why you want to propose right now: “Primal instincts like biological clocks ticking, perception of scarcity of dating prospects, deep sense of loneliness, and seeking more resources to survive a crisis can all be driving psychological factors in why humans opt to become more partnered during pandemics,” says psychotherapist Imani Movva.
Oh, and this was a thing that happened regularly in the past: “Historical trends of marriage during ‘crisis periods,’ show us that people tend to make marital decisions based on survival versus waiting for 'true love,’” says Movva. (Like, imagine missing out on “true love” because you decided to rush into something during a literal global pandemic).
Even if you claim you’re not proposing for those reasons and this isn’t a fight or flight reaction, and blah, blah, blah, I genuinely think you should just wait on the proposal.
Especially if you’re proposing because you want to look forward to something or put out some “good news” in the year 2020. (If that’s the case, maybe consider bake a freaking pumpkin muffin or something?)
I’m not saying you have to be all sad, gloomy, and mad because that’s what the year 2020 has been so far, but there are other ways to be happy besides planning an engagement that could very well be triggered by “the world is ending” goggles.
Trust me—if this person is your “forever,” they’ll still be there to propose to once this pandemic is over, and you can evaluate things more clearly when that happens. But until then, please, please, please, for the love of Lizzo, do not make any drastic changes to upgrade your relationship status. And with all the already-delayed-and-pushed-back weddings from 2020, you probs wouldn’t even get a venue until 2025 anyway. Just wait.
Taylor is one of the sex and relationship editors who can tell you exactly which vibrators are worth the splurge, why you’re still dreaming about your ex, and tips on how to have the best sex of your life (including what word you should spell with your hips during cowgirl sex)—oh, and you can follow her on Instagram here.
