When you've had the most magical high school relationship or summer fling, the idea of separating to attend your respective colleges can feel grim. What if one of you meets someone new on campus? Or worse—what if you go strong until Thanksgiving only to become one of the many couples who part ways during their first school break?!
While any relationship could end abruptly this fall, give yours the best shot with these seven ways to make your LDR suck less:
1. Talk about your relationship boundaries before you leave each other.
Although you may want to spend the remainder of your summer having fun and savoring your time together, it's smart to talk about the difficult things before they creep up on you both.
More From Cosmopolitan
"[It's] a great opportunity to openly and comfortably talk about the new rules you may want to establish," says Dr. Mariana Bockarova, Ph.D., who teaches relationship psychology at the University of Toronto, of parting ways for college. She sees this crossroads as a growth opportunity for young couples.
Some guidelines may be explicit—i.e., cheating is unacceptable—while others—i.e., how often it's cool to text each other—may need to be ironed out, she says.
Dr. Bockarova also recommends discussing how often you'd like to call or visit each other, and clarifying any blurry boundaries, like what, in your opinion, constitutes cheating. Otherwise, she says, you risk hurting each others' feelings.
2. Brainstorm ways to make each other feel loved.
To be romantic and spontaneous when you're far away from each other, you'll need to think outside the box—or, if you're sending a care package, inside of it. And it's never too early to start planning fun ways to make your partner's day.
"The healthiest intimate relationships are defined by characteristics like knowledge–meaning knowing what's going on in your partner's life," Dr. Bockarova says. Mailing small gifts you know they'll love, sending "just thinking of you" texts, or planning a "movie night" where you sync up Netflix and watch the same movie are all little ways to feel more present in each others' lives.
3. Nail down your long-distance sex plan.
"Some couples prefer to only engage in sexual acts when they are physically together, while others prefer more creative means like sexting or dirty talk," Dr. Bockarova says. That said, you might be on a slightly different page than your partner: One of you may be dying to test-drive some Bluetooth-controlled sex toys while the other is fine with texting the occasional eggplant emoji.
As awkward as it can feel initially, ask your partner if there are things they'd like to try when you're apart, Dr. Bockrova suggests. And once you're separated, let your partner know if your needs aren't being met. "If you don't address what's bothering you, sexually or otherwise, assumptions are made which lead to disagreements and resentment," she says. So talk it out now—and keep the conversation going when you're apart.
4. Plan the sh*t out of your weekend visits.
Hooking up and snuggling will feel incredible when you haven't seen each other in so long, but hanging in your dorm room throughout an entire weekend visit might not be the best idea.
"Relationships can become boring if you repeat the same activities, so set aside some time together to do something new," Dr. Bockarova says, suggesting you explore your campus together or try a restaurant you've never been to.
To that end, while it's important to schedule alone time, it's also fun to invite your boo to a party or dorm floor outing to introduce them to your friends and make them feel a part of your college experience.
5. Prepare to give each other some breathing room.
Although communication is key in LDRs, it only helps when it doesn't prohibit you from being present on campus, and when there's no guilt involved. "If you want to call your partner at the end of every day, that signals a healthy relationship if the operative word is 'want'," Dr. Bockarova says. It's when you feel pressure to Skype your partner for hours every night instead of making new friends or studying, that something may be amiss.
The same goes for texting–if you constantly feel like you're the only one glued to your phone during your lunch with your classmates, talk to your partner about giving each other a little more space.
6. Address jealousy right away.
It's ok to be jealous! It's a sign that you're invested in the relationship and don't want your partner to leave you for someone they just met at a frat party. That said, it sucks to feel insecure—or stuck with a partner who is unreasonably envious.
"Relationships should be built on a solid foundation of trust, safety, reliability, comfort, and care," Dr. Bockarova says. It's why anytime you feel like one of these pillars is compromised, it's smart to talk it out, she adds.
If your feelings stem from a situation that makes you uncomfortable—like your partner studying solo with a woman who flirts with him on Instagram—say it! In many cases, setting reasonable boundaries you're both comfortable with will make you feel better.
Alternatively, if your partner gets jealous every time you hang with a friend of the opposite sex, or questions your motives in a way that makes you feel uneasy, it might be time to reevaluate whether your relationship is right for you at this time, Dr. Bockarova says.
7. Forget unfounded fears.
Long-distance relationships can be hard no matter how well you stay in touch and how much you love each other: You'll inevitably miss each other, especially during stressful or sad times. But focusing on everything that can possibly wrong—will you regret your LDR? Grow apart?!—can create a self-fulfilling prophecy that leads to a breakup, Dr. Bockarova warns.
That said, as long as you concentrate on actionable resolutions for your issues—miss each other? Plan a visit!—rather than your fear of the unknown, talking things out could bring you closer, foster trust, and bring more empathy and compassion to your relationship, Dr. Bockarova says.
Don't feel guilty about it! "All relationships go through lulls and periods of difficulty," Dr. Bockarova says. "But if you continuously feel that something is wrong in your relationship, I would really evaluate whether this relationship or this person is right for you."
Follow Julia on Twitter.
I'm a Sex and Relationships Editor for Cosmo's Snapchat Discover, which you should definitely subscribe to :).
