Whether you’re a Tinder loyalist or are dying to return to the days when people actually met IRL, one occasionally frustrating truth remains: Dating in the age of apps is simultaneously easier and harder than ever. Thanks to smartphones, more and more people are now able to use a little thing known as ~le internet~ to access a broader-than-ever pool of potential dates, flings, and partners. But you know what they say: more matches, more problems. And if you’re a polyamorous (or otherwise non-monogamous) dater using dating apps to find like-minded non-monogamists, navigating life and love can be that much more complicated when monogamous singles have typically been the target demographic of most mainstream dating apps.
“It’s really hard, just by the nature of polyamory itself, to find experienced and dope polyamorous folks…no matter what app you’re on,” says Jessica Levity, polyamorous educator and entertainer. “I think ENM (ethically non-monogamous) folks should be aware of the reality of dating app burnout. In general, using dating apps is a ‘numbers game,’ and that numbers game is even harder for ENM folks because it’s a smaller sample size.”
That’s not to say there’s no hope, however. In case you haven’t heard, we’re living in a brave new world of dating apps specifically designed for polyamorous and non-monogamous daters. In recent years, platforms like Feeld and #Open have created online dating spaces curated specifically with the unique needs and desires of the poly/non-monogamous community in mind. Meanwhile, as non-monogamy continues to increase in popularity and visibility, even mainstream dating sites, like OkCupid, have expanded their offerings to better suit the needs of daters who may be interested in alternative relationship styles.
When looking for an ideal polyamory-friendly dating app to use, Leanne Yau, polyamory educator and founder of Poly Philia, notes that there are certain aspects and features of an app that’ll make swiping through profiles worth the time and effort.
For starters, being able to pair your profile with a partner is essential for a non-monogamous dating app. “Let’s say you’re a couple looking for someone together or a couple looking for another couple, then you can post that to your profile,” Yau says. “It’s easier to state up front in a profile that you’re non-monogamous than to find an awkward way to disclose that at some point with a person you just met.”
Yau also notes that the culture of a dating app is something you’ll want to be mindful of amid your online dating experiences. “I want to know that the people I engage with share my values and are similar to me in terms of how we practice consent.”
Lastly, apps that include relationship-style filters easily help non-monogamous people find what they’re looking for. “One of the benefits of using a dating app is that it allows you to filter and sort potential dates by interests and compatibility,” says certified intimacy educator Stella Harris, author of Tongue Tied: Untangling Communication in Sex, Kink, and Relationships and The Ultimate Guide to Threesomes. “So if you're polyamorous/non-monogamous, online dating will be easiest on an app that’s geared towards these communities, or that allows you to sort by relationship style.”
Now, what might those apps be? So glad you asked. Below, polyamorous (and/or poly-curious) reader, are the best polyamorous dating apps and sites for non-monogamous folks. Whether you’re in an open relationship, part of a couple seeking a threesome, or an otherwise non-monogamous person looking to explore any of the wide range of relationship styles outside of monogamous ones, one of these platforms could be the key to connecting you with like-minded folks. Your next adventure in non-monogamy awaits!
1. Feeld
If you’re at all familiar with polyamory, chances are you’ve at least heard of Feeld. Formerly called 3nder, Feeld bills itself as “a sex-positive space for humans looking to explore dating beyond the norm.” When you make your profile, you can upload photos of yourself, link your account to a partner, and specify your “interests” and “desires.” There are a litany of options in terms of choosing your gender identity and sexuality as well as the types of accounts you want to see. If you don’t want to see couples? Cool. If you’d like to see only women? Great. It allows you to tailor toward the experience you’re looking for.
Another plus for Feeld? Its reputation for cultivating a positive, welcoming culture among its users, who generally have shared interests. “The kind of people who use Feeld are open-minded, adventurous, kinky, queer and non-monogamous,” Yau adds.
2. #Open
With a mission to “accept people of all gender identities and orientations, from all walks of life, in any sort of relationship that makes you happy, no matter what gets you going,” #Open is one of the most inclusive dating apps out there. As Gabrielle Alexa, Director of Social Media & Lead Portal Developer at #Open, explains, “Users can choose to swipe on solo profiles, partnered profiles, or both. They can also select from 60+ gender, sexuality, and orientation options (or write in their own).”
Users can also indicate their preferences, boundaries, and desires by putting hashtags in their profile, as well as search for others and swipe based on their listed hashtags. The app’s 300k+ users have a total of 87K unique hashtags, which invites users to figure out what kind of relationship(s) they want first and then discover those who are seeking the same thing. Rave reviews highlight the platform’s easy-to-use interface and wide variety of gender and interest options. Whatever flavor of non-monogamy happens to be of interest, #Open is a great place to explore it with other open-minded people.
3. Headero
While Headero may not be exclusively for polyamorous daters, it does pride itself on providing a sex-positive, kink-friendly, and open-minded environment where daters all of all kinds (seeking all kinds of relationships and encounters) can feel empowered to be upfront about whatever it is they’re looking for.
“The consistent theme we hear from our poly and non-monogamous members is that they have been drawn to Headero because of our honesty, clarity of purpose, and values-grounded community,” says founder Stephen Quaderer, CEO of ThotExperiment. “While our app features (including a poly/NM selection) make it easy to find potential poly and non-monogamous partners on Headero, our values and purpose are what really seem to resonate.”
4. 3Fun
If group sex is what you seek in your non-monogamous dating life, then 3Fun is the answer. “3Fun is the best dating app out there for couples and singles who are looking for multi-partnered fun,” says certified sex educator and 3Fun sexpert Gigi Engle. In addition to providing a platform tailored to the shared needs and desires of threesome-seekers, 3Fun also scores major points for security and discretion—which, as Engle notes, can be a huge factor for some folks seeking multi-partnered sexperiences.
5. OkCupid
As far as mainstream dating apps go, I think it’s fair to say that OkCupid has long been ahead of the curve in terms of inclusivity. In 2014, the app added expanded gender and sexuality options for users to select. And in 2016, it added non-monogamy options.
Michael Kaye, Director of Brand & Communications at OkCupid, says that non-monogamy is a relationship style OkCupid users are more public and vocal about than ever before. “Last year, 35 percent of OkCupid respondents said they would consider an open relationship, up from 29 percent in 2019, and 25 percent in 2015. In January, there was a 13 percent increase in mentions of ENM and polyamory on OkCupid profiles compared to the month prior.”
These updates, along with the questionnaire-driven algorithm, allow OkCupid users to more easily pursue what they’re looking for—and filter out what they’re not.
6. Bloom Community
If you’re looking to find a potential partner in a more low-pressure setting than a traditional dating app, Bloom Community might be your new go-to. Bloom is a social app designed especially for members of polyamorous/kink/queer communities to meet like-minded people and connect organically through shared events. With over 100 gender identities, various interests, and connection preferences to select from, you have the freedom to be your most authentic self, and the range to decide what kind of connections you’ll make.
7. Hinge
Despite Hinge’s tagline, “the app that’s designed to be deleted,” new features on the app have created more opportunities for non-monogamous people to experience online dating in a way that aligns with their relationship styles. Logan Ury, Director of Relationship Science at Hinge, notes that use of the phrase “non-monogamy” on user profiles went up 55 percent from 2021 to 2022.
In response, Hinge has since rolled out a feature that allows users to add their “relationship type” to their profile, whether that be “monogamous,” “non-monogamous” or “figuring out my relationship type.” Each label comes with the option to provide a “backstory” (essentially an open-text description) that allows users to add more context about their relationship type.
8. Sniffies
This interactive, map-based hookup app for gay, bisexual, and bicurious guys helps men meet like-minded partners to explore their sexuality. Whether you’re a single guy looking for a casual hookup during your travel escapades or you’re in a polyamorous relationship and looking to find a third, Sniffies encourages users to get out of the house and explore what's around them.
9. HER
For those who identify as lesbian, bisexual, non-binary, pansexual, or queer, HER is an ideal option for browsing profiles, finding potential lovers (or new friends), and joining local events. Polyamorous users can join HER’s in-app communities dedicated to the non-monogamous lifestyle and find whatever it is they seek—whether they’re looking to add a sweetheart to their polycule or explore new connections with others.
10. Instagram
Though Instagram isn’t a dating app, research shows that among Gen Z and Millennials, two in five people say they met their partners through social media, compared to 29 percent who met their partners through dating apps.
“Content, in general, can cultivate connection, and Instagram provides that opportunity,” says Alexis “Lexi” B. Davis, Service Submissive and Non-Traditional Dating Consultant. I mean, think about it, people tend to show more of their true lives and personality on a social media platform like Instagram than they might on a dating app. By looking at someone’s photos, Instagram stories, and tagged photos, you can often learn a lot more about them—including what their relationship preferences are. Like what you see? Shoot thy shot! Just, you know, don’t be a creep about it.
Of course, there will never be a perfect dating app for all non-monogamous folks. And despite non-monogamy becoming more popular, the bulk of singles are still seeking more traditional relationships. That said, it is possible to find relationships that fit your needs as an ethically non-monogamous person on “regular” dating apps. You just might have to look a little deeper.
Here’s hoping dating apps evolve to become even more polyamory-friendly, because the irony lies in the fact that folks who practice non-monogamy are the ideal customers for dating apps—we keep them even after we fall in love.
