17 New Year’s Sex Positions That Are So Good, You’ll Wanna Cancel All Your Plans
(Yes, hi, this is your sign to stay in.)
Kick off the New Year with a bang (like, literally) by resolving to have the kind of sex you deserve in 2023. That means instead of resolving to stop eating Triscuits in bed (which is gonna be a no from me), do something way more fun and figure out what turns you all the way on. These New Year’s sex positions will give you a ton of ideas to help you get there, but a whole new outlook for 2023 can take you ever further.
“The most important sex position is your mental position,” says certified sex and relationship coach, Renée Hilliard, MD. “Sex is to be enjoyed first and foremost. That’s why we have all those concentrated pleasurable nerve endings down there.” The only way you’re going to get maximum enjoyment out of said pleasurable nerve endings is to talk to your partner about what you want in bed—and be honest. If it takes you three hours to orgasm, and you can only get there with a wand vibrator set to a million while looking at a photo of a can of corn, let them know. A good partner will want to make you happy.
Resolve to pay a lot less attention to the whole performance of sex and a lot more to the actual sex that’s happening right there in front of you (or behind you, or…?). “Try to relax, let go of focusing on a goal, how your body looks, smells, tastes, whether you’re good at it, or doing it right or wrong, because that’s just a story,” says Hilliard. “Pay attention to how you feel, tune into subtle sensations, notice what is feeling good.” In math problem form: Being in your body > being in your head.
Okay, now that we’ve covered getting to your best sex life ever—in three paragraphs, no less…you’re quite welcome—here are some expert tips for having the absolute best New Year’s sex (which absolutely also apply all through 2023 and beyond).
Limit Your New Year’s Eve Alcohol Intake
If you want to ensure your partying doesn’t interfere with your sexy late-night activities, keep your drinking to a minimum. “Alcohol is often consumed in large quantities on New Year’s Eve, which can make it difficult to become sexually aroused and experience orgasm,” says certified sex therapist and Flo medical expert Jordan Rullo. (See also: whiskey dick.) Even if alcohol makes you horny AF, it doesn’t help much with the actual, well, having of it.
Make a Sexual Bucket List
“The new year is a great time to explore your sexual expansion plans,” says sex expert and coach Niki Davis-Fainbloom. “Fill out a yes-no-maybelist and think about what components of sexuality you’re interested in trying in the upcoming year. Is it time to get more comfortable discussing and exploring your fetishes or kinks? Is this the year you explore having sex outside of the bedroom?”
Try to Relax
For those among us with anxiety (*raises hand, looks cautiously around the room*), try to pinpoint moments when you feel pressure on New Year’s Eve and breathe through them. Stress can negatively impact your ability to enjoy sex, and NYE comes with so many expectations that can be hard to ignore. Rullo suggests looking out for “pressure that the sex you have (or don’t have) somehow means something about you and your future in 2023” or “pressure to grab someone, anyone, to kiss when the ball drops. This pressure translates to anxiety, and anxiety dampens sexual function.”
Work On Your Dirty Talk
Always wanted to talk dirty in the bedroom, but too nervous to try? Make it one of your new year’s resolutions and start working on it right now. “Work on finding words to express sensations during sexy times,” says Davis-Fainbloom. “How does your vibrator feel against your clitoris? How does your partner’s body feel next to yours? Is there a type of talk you find exciting but have not yet explored with your partner? Work on having the confidence to articulate what excites you during masturbation or sex.”
Got all that? Great. Have the best night ever, then get ready to test out some of these New Year’s Sex positions.
I Am Too The Boss Of You
If you want to give your partner a master class on how to please you, make it a game. Lie back and instruct them on what you’d like them to do to you. Have whatever toys or props on hand if you have something particular in mind. Oral sex coupled with a curved finger inside you? Edging until you ~almost~ lose it? Butt stuff? You’re the boss.
The Fireworks Display
The Silent Night
Lie on your sides facing each other and don’t say a word. Look into each other’s eyes and slowly rock against each other, conveying what you’re feeling through deep moans and sighs—a supremely intimate way to kick off the year.
The New Year, New You
Get your asses in front of a mirror and behold your MF-ing glory. “One partner looks in the mirror and says what they find sexy and beautiful about the other person while gently touching and stroking those parts,” suggests sex educator Rebecca Blanton, aka Auntie Vice, cohost of the Fat Chicks on Top podcast. “It’s a great way to combat the never-ending commercials promoting diets or gym memberships at the beginning of the year.” (If you’re alone, do this with yourself. Not even joking, it works.)
The Cork Popper
Do some cork popping of your own. One person sits cross-legged on a bed or floor. The other person sits on their lap facing their partner and wrapping their legs around their partner’s waist. “Rock together until climax, simulating the twisting and turning motion of extracting a cork from a bottle,” says sex therapist Tatyana Dyachenko, relationship expert for Peaches and Screams.
The Countdown
This is a great technique to try if you’d rather stay home on New Year’s Eve. “As we approach the edge of 2023, it could be a great time to explore edging,” says Davis-Fainbloom. “Use your vibrator, finger, or partner and play around with bringing yourself right to the edge of orgasm without allowing yourself to go over. As the ball drops and the new year begins, finally allow yourself to go over the edge. The more times you go to the brink of orgasm without going over, the more intense the pleasure will be when you finally allow yourself to release.”
SHOP NOW Adam & Eve Intimate Curves Rechargeable Wand, $70, Adam & Eve
The Ball Drop
If your partner has a penis, give their balls some focused attention to make a BJ extra celebratory. You can stroke them, lick them, or take each (or both!) gently in your mouth and suck. If you want to delay your partner’s orgasm, when they get close, clasp gently at the top of their sack and pull down. When it’s time to blow, it will be even more explosive.
The Hors D'oeuvres Tray
Draw out the experience by lingering on especially fun body parts. Make out and really focus on the taste and feel of each other. Touch yourself and let them watch. Stroke each other while looking in each other’s eyes. Take turns giving each other the longest stretch of oral you can take. Pick and choose what you want and go back for more.
The New Year’s Me
If you’re celebrating solo this year, go ahead and treat yourself by sexing up two toys at once. Part one: clitoral suction toy. Part two: a curved glass or metal dildo. Let the suction toy do its magic while you slowly slide the dildo inside the upper wall of your V. So good, so very good.
SHOP NOW Romp Switch Clitoral Vibrator, $30, Good Vibrations
SHOP NOW Glas 6 Inch Curved G-Spot Glass Dildo, $30, Adam & Eve
The Auld Lang Sigh
Be all couple-y with a sweet New Year’s Day morning wake-up call. Sleepily turn toward each other and entwine your bodies for lazy, snuggly, comfy sex. Nothing beats morning sex.
The Bang Out the Old
Toast 2022 with a commemorative orgasm. Put your legs up in a V over your partner’s shoulders for the kind of really deep penetration that will push you straight into 2023. High fives optional
The In With the New
Made a resolution to try new things? How about trying that thing you guys keep talking about but haven’t gotten around to? (Yes, anal.) Hell, it’s the holidays! A spooning position is good for first-timers because it feels loving and you can shift your hips forward if you need a bit...less. Remember: Make them get you super turned on first, go really slow, and lube pretty much everything in the room. Pop a bullet vibe between your legs and you’ll enjoy this one just as much as they do.
The New Year’s Rockin’ Eve
If your resolution to try something new did not contain the word “anal,” try this position that gives you control and your partner a sexy view of your fine ass. Spanking optional, depending on how good you’ve been this year.
The Stroke of Midnight
Pop in a pair of remote-controlled theirs-and-yours vibes before you get to the party, then tease each other throughout the night. Meet up in the bathroom a few minutes before midnight for a beyond-necessary quickie. Hop up onto the sink and lift your skirt so you can enjoy the way they’re frantically fumbling with their zipper. Lean back, throw your legs over your partner’s shoulders, and listen to the other partygoers counting down as you have your own celebration.
SHOP NOW b-Vibe Remote Control Rechargeable Vibrating Rimming Butt Plug, $165, lovehoney.com
SHOP NOW Thrill Seeker 10 Function Remote Control Love Egg Vibrator, $45, lovehoney.com
The Netflix-and-Thrill
If you’re Netflix-and-chilling for a low-key NYE, make a pact with each other that no one gets to have an orgasm until the ball drops (the Times Square one, hello). Go ahead and watch your movie, but while naked and spooning. Linger in pre-orgasmic bliss with very slow, gentle sex, with them reaching around and stroking you until you start breathing heavily. See how close you can get each other without actually going over the edge. At the stroke of 12, all bets are off.
The Noisemaker
Try tackling a new position like The Noisemaker. Have them sit back on their heels, then hold yourself up on your arms like you’re playing wheelbarrow. Instead of them holding up your legs, which is all kinds of fun in a standing version, rest your hips on theirs with your legs stretched back behind them. When you discover how sexy this feels, you’ll know how it got its name.
The Champagne Popper
Get super relaxed and turned on via whatever usually works for you. Then have your partner stimulate your clitoris while sliding a finger up your vagina, feeling the upper wall a few inches in for a soft, spongy spot. They stroke that spot with the “come hither” finger curl. (Two fingers work too.) You might suddenly feel like you need to pee. Ignore that feeling, carry on, and prepare for the most explosive orgasm you’ve had in *~years~*.
Jill Hamilton is a contributor for Cosmopolitan.com and writes the blog In Bed With Married Women.
8 Sex Positions for Married Couples
3 Coital Alignment Technique Positions to Try Tn
Into BDSM? Try the Triceratops Sex Position
6 Extremely ~Spicy~ Sex Positions From Behind
