18 Bondage Sex Positions That’ll Have You Begging for More
In the wise words of Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion’s WAP, “Tie me up like I’m surprised.”
Whether bondage is a nerve-wracking item on your sexual bucket list or just a regular old Tuesday for you, mastering a few basic bondage sex positions can help make your BDSM experience super-hot, but also extra safe. (FYI: You’re aiming for something that only feels a little dangerous but is, actually, very safe if you plan ahead of time.)
The first step in having hot bondage sex? Finding someone you really trust to get tied up with, so to speak. Being restrained and at another person’s mercy puts you in an extremely vulnerable position—which is part of what makes this type of sex so good. But here, like with any kind of sex, communication, consent, safe words, and aftercare are crucial. (Here are a few things to know about aftercare when you’ve just had BDSM-style sex.)
“When it’s done safely, bondage can be incredibly pleasurable and rewarding for both parties. It allows you to experiment with BDSM, power play, and explore new areas of pleasure that you may never have even considered,” says dominatrix Ruby Payne, sex expert at adult toy retailer UberKinky.
If you’re new to bondage, don’t let it intimidate you—you don’t have to be tied up so tightly that it’s painful, and your partner doesn’t have to master, like, nautical sailor-level knots to tie you up in. Restraint can look like anything from holding someone’s wrists down during sex, to (if you want to go deeper) using cotton or hemp rope, handcuffs, bondage tape, or you can DIY it with a sexy tie or belt.
For positions, start simple. “What’s your favorite sex position? Start with that and use the ropes to tie the partner into that shape!” says sexologist Midori, educator and author of The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage. “Don’t get intimidated by photos of complicated ties or instructions that tangle up your brain. It’s totally fine to keep it simple—after all, fun and steamy are the objectives.”
If you’re ready to restrain or be restrained, here’s what you need to know.
Communicate!
What are your boundaries? Would you rather dominate, submit or do you want to trying switching? Your partner won’t magically know what you want unless you talk about it, and you don’t wait until you’re in the throes. “Having a conversation outside of the bedroom is an opportunity to talk about what you actually want so it’s an enjoyable experience for everyone,” says trauma specialist Jimanekia Eborn, host of the Trauma Queen podcast.
Safety first (and second and third).
You and your partner should agree on a safe word. “Go for simple words you don’t typically say during sex,” says Aliyah Moore, PhD, resident certified sex therapist at SexualAlpha. If you can’t decide, go with the stop light system: Green = “more, please,” yellow = “warning, getting close to the danger zone,” red = “immediately no.”
Use the right equipment.
If you’re a newbie, try bondage tape as your restraint of choice. “It's a great alternative for those who don't have a particular affinity for knot-tying,” says Rachel Worthington, writer and researcher at Bedbible.com. “It looks like duct tape, but it only sticks to itself, not to skin or furniture.”
Have an escape plan if things go awry.
“Have a pair of scissors nearby should a knot get stuck or either partner wants to unwrap quickly,” says Midori. If you’re using handcuffs, make sure they have a quick-release lever or that you have the keys nearby.
And remember: Use the two-finger rule. “It’s incredibly important that you don’t tie the ropes too tightly. Leave room for two fingers between the receiver’s skin and the rope. Movement and pressure can cause the knots to tighten, so this additional squirming space is essential,” says Payne.
Prioritize aftercare.
“Giving your power away and surrendering to your partner can be amazing. At the same time, bondage can get pretty intense. Even if you’re so into it while you’re doing it, there can be weird feelings once it’s done,” says Moore.
Surrendering to your partner can feel great, but it can also get really intense, real quick, so it’s important to prioritize time for yourselves to hold each other, communicate, clean up, and rest. “It’s vital to create a nice and safe environment after bondage play is over,” says Moore. “Care for your wrists and ankles if there are burns from restraints. Cuddle with your partner afterward and spend time being gentle with each other.”
After you do all the prep work (which helps creates sexy anticipation!), test out some of these bondage sex positions.
Breast in Show
Breast bondage is a thing because it feels good and it makes your humps (cue the Black Eyed Peas) look good due to the wondrous powers of hoisting. If you two are into boobs (or showing them off), try a breast harness. (You can also rig something up with bondage tape, rope or even a t-shirt tied under the breasts.) The bound person rides their partner for maximum boobic exposure. For more sensation, add a pair of nipple clamps.
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The Crab
In this classic bondage position, the person who’s tied up sits up straight with their knees bent and feet on the floor. Their elbows and knees are tied together, as are their ankles and wrists. “This position is great for power play as it allows for ‘sexy vulnerability’ and gives the one in charge access to all their partner’s genitals. The dom can go down on their partner as they struggle against their bonds, or stand over them and receive from above,” says Payne.
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The Bridge Tie-Up
“If you’re familiar with the Bridge pose in yoga, this sex position is kind of like that. If you’re the receiver, lie down with your back to the mattress and lift your hips into the air. Then, have your partner do the honors of binding your wrists behind your back. Let them grab your butt while you wrap your legs around their waist as they enter you,” says Moore.
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The Get-Off to See the Wizard
If you’re the receiver, get in a facedown fetal position with your legs spread and your hips at the edge of the bed. Have your partner bind your wrists behind your back. They can stand to penetrate you from behind, reaching around to stroke your clit. “Want to take things up a notch? If you have a powerful vibrator like a Magic Wand, have your partner use it on your clit and your other erogenous zones for powerful orgasms,” says Moore.
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Beginner's Luck
If one of you is really uncomfortable with being bound right away, try a test round with oral sex and no actual rope or cuffs. The person who is bravely giving it a go lies flat with their hands pressed under their butt so they're essentially binding themselves. If it gets too hardcore for them, they can release their hands whenever they want and all is well.
The Full Spread
A spreader bar (or bondage tape and a broom handle) forces the receiver's ankles apart and gives easy access to their butt, while making them feel exposed and vulnerable (which is good here!). The receiver gets on all fours and the giver can torment them with a toy, their mouth, hands or penetration.
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The Naughty Chair
The receiver sits backwards in a hard armless chair placed in the corner for dramatic effect. Receiver leans forward so their chest is touching the back of the chair and their butt is hanging over the front edge. The receiver's ankles are bound to the front chair legs and their wrists tied behind their back. Good for butt stuff, general discomfort and any manner of role-playing.
The Rag Doll
Even spooning can be kinked up with bondage. The little spoon's wrists and forearms are bound together in front of them. Big spoon can rock the little spoon's hips as they please—onto a strap-on, vibrator or penis. Spanking optional.
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The X-Factor
Find just the right spot between arousing uncertainty and “Help! Way too f*cking vulnerable,” with your partner in a face down X position. Being face down may make the receiver feel less exposed and safer, but it's still tantalizing because they can't see what's going on. Slide your hands under them for a lubey hand job and if you/they want, use the other hand to play with their butt.
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The Be Mine
Bind your wrist to your partner's (handcuffs are better for this one, unless you want a three-legged race-type couples challenge where you're trying to tie yourselves up) and lead them astray. You're in charge of what happens next. Push their hand up over their head and ride them or roll them on their side and move their hand over your body as you please.
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The Pass the Velvet Rope
For comfort in the discomfort that is being tied up, try a standing position using restraints that fit over a door. (You can also bind their wrists to the door knob.) They can either be facing you to see what you have in store for them, or keep them on edge by facing them toward the door. Try using only your mouth to touch them to focus their attention on every sensation.
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The Over the Moon
Bend your partner over a sturdy bar stool (or be the bend-ee), binding their ankles and wrists to the stool leg. You can flog them gently (or not so gently) or torture them otherwise with tongue, toy, or the promise of penetration if they beg hard enough.
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This Little Piggie
If you want to try the classic bondage position of hog-tying but aren’t (yet) a master, go ahead and cheat a little with a restraint system that does the positioning for you. Your lover/victim lies on their stomach while you bind their ankles and arms behind their back. They’ll still be pretty restricted in their movements, but the restraint makes it a little more comfortable and less hard-core. Reward their good behavior with a lube-y reach-around.
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The Hot Seat
Sit ’em in a straight-back chair and tie each of their legs to the chair legs and their wrists behind them. Blindfold them so they’ll be hyper-alert to whatever you chose to do with them. Some people like being teased with a feather or ice cube and your warm mouth. Others might want something rougher like a random slap or a whack on the thighs with a spatula. That part is for y’all to work out ahead of time with clear ground rules.
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The Tie Me Up, Tie Me Down
Start them off easy with a single silk tie (you can buy special bondage ties or just use a plain ol’ men’s tie) to tie their wrists together over their head. Lie them on their back and mount them, telling them they are absolutely not allowed to move (until you say so anyway).
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The Anal On the Ropes
One partner kneels with their face to the floor, butt in the air, and their wrists tied to their ankles. Slide a finger into their bum (with permission!) and use the other hand to give them a lube-y hand job. Make them beg for it first, of course.
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The Mark
Never will someone be more at your mercy than when they are on their back and completely open to whatever is gonna go down. Have them (or hell, order them) to lie on their back and open their legs for you. Their arms go under their knees and hands on their outside ankles so you can bind their wrists to their ankles (use bondage tape if knots aren't your thing). Then, go to town giving oral or penetrating.
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The Ravished
Have them lie on their back spread-eagle, attaching each limb to a corner of the bed. (Use handcuffs attached to the head- and footboards, bondage tape wrapped around the mattress corners or an under-the-bed restraint system.) Once helpless, torture them with some infuriatingly slow oral.
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Jill Hamilton is a contributor for Cosmopolitan.com and writes the blog In Bed With Married Women.
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