Getting on top during sex can be really intimidating, especially when missionary is your default and you’ve gotten comfortable with it. Sooo, why fix what isn’t broken? Well, what if we told you that woman-on-top can be the ultimate way to take control of your pleasure, make sex (especially penetrative sex) feel the way you always thought it should, and give you orgasms left and right? Convinced yet?
“Woman-on-top is actually the second most popular sexual position after missionary. This is because the woman controls the depth of penetration, the intensity and angle of thrust, and her own stimulation,” explains intimacy coach and strategist Duchess Iphie.
This popular sex position allows the woman or receiving partner to take control—setting the tone and motions for how ~sexy time~ will play out and feel. It’s also a very yummy position to help bring you to orgasm, as most people with vulvas find it hard to orgasm through penetration alone. Being on top allows for both more control and the ability to easily incorporate sex toys for added stimulation. “You can use a vibrator while your partner is stimulating you in a different way,” says certified Latinx sexual health expert and founder of Howl at the Womb, Cindy Luquin.
Not only can the girl-on-top position provide more pleasure, but it can also be extremely empowering! “It allows him to see her in all her glory as a woman, which can be both empowering and erotic, as you see his desire for you,” says Iphie. (This goes for partners of all genders—letting your lover see you in control can be incredibly hot.)
And if you tend to feel shy in the bedroom but want to work on your confidence, this move is great practice for that. “It could be a really great position for practicing how to take control during sex, if someone wants to be more dominant in bed, obviously with the consent and willingness of their partner,” says Luquin.
Listen, being on top can be super vulnerable. Like, being all naked up there can bring up stupid fears about how you look or whether you’re secretly bad in bed. Is there a right way to move, and is that what you’re doing?! The pressure!
But here’s the thing: There are tons of helpful tips and tricks to mastering woman-on-top sex. From spelling certain words with your hips, grabbing onto a surface to stabilize yourself, and adding toys into the mix, there are several actionable ways to improve your on-top experience. And if it’s really not for you, that’s totally valid. We’ve even got tips on how to tell your partner in a way that won’t make you feel nervous or put on the spot.
Below, sexperts and educators share their top tips for mastering this position without breaking a sweat, based on questions they get all the time.
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Naydeline Mejia is an assistant editor at Women’s Health, where she covers sex, relationships, and lifestyle for WomensHealthMag.com and the print magazine. She is a proud graduate of Baruch College and has more than two years of experience writing and editing lifestyle content. When she’s not writing, you can find her thrift-shopping, binge-watching whatever reality dating show is trending at the moment, and spending countless hours scrolling through Pinterest.
