Short skirts, long nails, lipstick, makeup, stockings, high heels, jewelry, clitorises, juicy boobies, vulvas, vaginas…. These are all things that are generally considered “feminine”—well, in our patriarchal, socially constructed world, that is. But did you know that you can actually be attracted to the feminine, specifically? Like it can be your whole sexual identity? In fact, there’s even a word for it: gynesexual. But before we go any further, no, it’s not the same thing as just being attracted to women. Allow us to explain.
Some labels around sexual orientation pertain specifically to a person’s gender, and others don’t. Take gynesexuality, for instance. This expansive and deeply interesting label focuses on traditionally “feminine” qualities. “If you’re a gynesexual, you don’t necessarily care about whether somebody is cis-gendered. You are attracted to the presentation of being a woman, feminine, or female,” says Kristine D’Angelo, a certified sex coach and clinical sexologist. “You may even be attracted to female sexual anatomy while the person presents as male.”
We live in a beautiful world with no shortage of labels to describe sexual attraction, identity, and orientation. The ways we experience and express our sexuality is constantly evolving, and so to is the language we use to describe those experiences. From bisexual, to pansexual, to asexual, to greysexual, to cupiosexual, suffice to say it’s pretty expansive. Gynesexuality is just one way some people might experience sexual attraction and identify their sexual selfhood.
Of course, labeling your sexual orientation or gender identity isn’t for everyone. Some people take comfort and find community in using labels. Others prefer not to subscribe to any, and still others may adopt several labels, change labels, or bounce around at different times in their journeys. Human beings aren’t static and neither are our identities. You’re the only person who gets to decide what you’re attracted to and how you identify. You’re the captain of this ship, if you will. With that being said, “gynesexual” is a relatively new term on the scene, and familiarizing yourself with what exactly it entails can be useful in understanding the broad spectrum of sexuality, and where you may fall within it.
So, what is the deal with gynesexuality? What does it look like in practice? And could it be the label you’ve been looking for? Let’s break it down.
What Is Gynesexuality?
This describes a sexual orientation of being attracted to the feminine. This means feminine-presenting folks, female body parts, feminine women (cis-gendered, trans, or otherwise), or anyone else who appears to be more femme. To be clear: Gynesexuality does not mean you’re only attracted to women. It means you’re attracted to qualities that align with femininity.
Of course, this is where it gets a little complicated. As D’Angelo notes, what is considered “feminine” will vary greatly from person to person. Those who identify as gynesexual may not only be attracted to people who fully or always present as feminine. The degree to which this matters to someone will vary.
How It Works
Typically, gynesexuality focuses more on a person’s outward expression of gender. Meaning, someone who dresses and presents as “femme.” This label can also include being attracted to femininity, femme people, or female genitals, regardless of outward presentation or gender identity.
Linnea Marie, a board-certified sex educator, says that while anyone can utilize this sexual identity to describe themselves, “it is more frequently used in the queer community and by non-binary or agender persons.” Gynesexuality may better describe identities that exist within the queer community because the concept of “femininity” to which gynesexuals are attracted is not necessarily or inherently tied to cis-het womanhood.
Linnea Marie stresses that this identity differs from heterosexuality or homosexuality in that gender just isn’t a big factor. Anyone of any gender can identify as gynesexual, and the gender of the person to whom they're attracted doesn't shift or contradict that identity in any way.
What Gynesexuality Looks Like
The way gynesexuality is experienced varies significantly from gynexexual to gynesexual and depends entirely on how one defines femininity and what qualities in the feminine they are most attracted to, says Linnea Marie.
Dr. Nazanin Moali, a psychologist, sex therapist, and host of the Sexology podcast, explains that “someone may be drawn to traditionally feminine physical features like breasts, but does not require the person to identify as female,” for example. “Using the term ‘gynesexual’ can be an inclusive and respectful way of expressing this attraction, particularly in queer spaces,” Moali adds.
Linnea Marie also points to non-physical markers of femininity to which gynesexuals may be attracted, such as the pitch and tone of a voice, mannerisms, how one carries themselves, and how they dress.
TL;DR: Gynesexuality is complicated and the ways this sexual identity manifests will look different for everyone.
How to Know If This Label Is for You
The only person who gets to decide if a label is right for you is you. If you think you might fit the gynesexual bill, Linnea Marie suggests considering whether you find yourself enticed by femininity regardless of a person’s gender or gender identity. If you care more about the concept or qualities of femininity someone displays than their actual gender, you might consider yourself a gynesexual.
Moali suggests looking for patterns in your past attractions to make connections. “For example, if you find yourself attracted to physical features commonly associated with femininity, such as curves or breasts, or [experience] attraction to certain behaviors or qualities typically associated with femininity, you might be gynesexual,” she explains.
“In order to know if this orientation is right for you, you must define what being feminine or femininity means to you,” D’Angelo says. “This will help you further define your sexual orientation.” It can be helpful to explore your personal feelings about gender norms and roles in our culture.
We have to be willing to interrogate our attitudes, values, and beliefs in order to suss out what motivates them. Basically, it’s about developing self-awareness in order to know ourselves and better understand what we like and why we like it.
How to Explore Gynesexuality, If It Sounds Like It Might Be Your Vibe
D’Angelo suggests asking yourself these questions to determine if you’re a gynesexual:
- What do you find ‘sexy’ about people you’re attracted to? What turns you on while looking at bodies through a sexual lens?
- What are you most attracted to? What body types are you most attracted to and why?
- What kinds of behavior do you find most appealing and why? Do you feel inspired by the feminine but not turned on by it?
“Once you’ve taken your time to reflect on your answers, start to connect some dots,” she says. “Are most of your answers pointing to the feminine regardless of gender norms? Then you may be leaning towards being gynesexual.”
Moali asks us to remember to be gentle with ourselves and take our time exploring. “It's important to approach this journey with curiosity and without any shame or self-judgment,” she says.
Linnea Marie suggests speaking with a qualified sex therapist or sex coach if this is something you’re questioning, as they can provide a judgment-free space for you to explore your identity.
Remember, only you can define your own sexual identity. Sometimes our labels stay the same. Sometimes they shift. Sexuality and identity are on a continuum and that continuum may be subject to change at different times in our lives. Gynesexuality is just one of many, many ways some people may choose to describe their sexual identity, or aspects of how they experience their sexuality. If it feels right for you and you want to adopt it, congrats, you’re a gynesexual! Not for you? Also great! Feel free to leave this one in the "good for you, not for me" pile and define your sexuality on your own terms.
