If you're here, chances are you’ve heard of hypnotism before. And chances also are that you associate hypnotism with gimmicky public speakers or creepy thriller movies. (Like hi, have you seen Get Out?) But in reality, hypnotism—like real hypnotism—can actually be extremely beneficial. It can relieve fears, eliminate bad habits, alleviate anxiety, and even help you have incredible sex. In fact, erotic hypnosis (also called “hypno sex”) might just be the key to unlocking a whole other—and dare I say better—part of your sex life.
According to Tatyana Dyachenko, a sex therapist for Peaches and Screams, erotic hypnosis can "increase sexual desire, sexual feelings, and sexual responses." This nuanced form of hypnosis can also help people reach sexual goals they have for themselves, she explains.
Say, for example, you’re having a hard time connecting with your partner during sex. Erotic hypnosis can help! It’s also commonly used for people who struggle to have an orgasm, have a hard time staying in the moment during intercourse, have lost the desire for sex, or are trying to overcome sexual trauma. And it can simply make sex more pleasurable in general. Dyachenko says hypno sex can “increase awareness of touch, enhance a fantasy, help you open up to a new fetish, or experience a sexual feeling that can be considered a taboo.”
Now, this is where things get really interesting. Erotic hypnosis can also be used in kink play, and it sometimes falls under the BDSM umbrella. When used in BDSM, hypno sex is typically associated with dominant and submissive play, with one person being hypnotized and the other one doing the hypnosis. This specific type of erotic hypnosis comes with all the rules and guidelines of BDSM, such as contracts, safe words, and boundaries; it can be done with either a professional–yes, you’ll pay them–or with a romantic or sexual partner. Yep, you can *actually* learn how to hypnotize your partner (with consent, ofc)!
So whether you’re totally on board and need all the how-tos, or you just want to find out if this sexy form of hypnotism is legit, here’s everything you need to know about erotic hypnosis. Let’s dive in, shall we?
Does erotic hypnosis actually work?
First thing's first, you probably want to know if erotic hypnosis is actually A Thing. Simply put, yes, erotic hypnosis is legit, even if it sounds like something straight out of a movie. But the catch is, you have to open yourself up to the experience or it probs won’t work.
Basically, if you believe that normal hypnosis is real and can be used to help someone remember a memory they’ve locked away or help them overcome trauma, you can believe it can be used to achieve a better orgasm too.
In the same way you might seek a professional mental health expert to work through anxiety, depression, and/or other mental illnesses, you can find an expert who can make you feel comfortable with hypnosis.
How does erotic hypnosis work?
Important: Hypnosis is nothing like you see in the movies. (No, you will not become a mindless zombie.) Dyachenko explains that erotic hypnosis, much like normal hypnosis, consists of a therapist guiding you into a state of complete relaxation as you learn how to do proper breath work. The expert will then softly start talking to you in a way that will melt all your worries away.
Once you are in that state of relaxation, your inhibitions—aka your self-awareness, which is what causes us to be shy and guarded—are lowered. Because your guard is down, you may enjoy and experience things that you always prevented yourself from doing, whether intentionally or unintentionally, because you felt ashamed or embarrassed under normal consciousness.
Technically, the expert doing the hypnotizing will talk you through a scenario, which you can accept wholeheartedly. For example, once you have agreed on safe words and boundaries, an erotic hypnotist who's helping you work on increasing your libido or reaching an orgasm might put you in a trance that'll make you feel more aroused. (But the erotic hypnotist will not touch you at all.)
On the other hand, if you’re looking for more kink play with a professional erotic hypnotist, they might make you think you’re someone whose goal in life is to have as much sex as possible. As a result, you might find yourself initiating dirty talk you could never bring yourself to engage in before. If your partner's doing the hypnotizing, and you've previously agreed that you can have sex while in your trance, you might experience some pretty amazing sensations during the hypnosis. However, whoever does your hypnosis should always be careful surrounding any sexual traumas you may have.
If you’re using erotic hypnosis to overcome previous sexual trauma, things will be a little different. While you're hypnotized, the professional might take you back to the moments leading up to the trauma, or they might help you revisit it while they provide a physical sense of comfort and security. If this was a memory that you repressed but suspect happened, a trance can help you unlock it. Once revisited, you and the expert will work through the issues in real-time and you’ll be able to learn different coping mechanisms so you can, eventually, move forward.
How do you get started with erotic hypnotism?
First off, take the time to think about what your sexual goals are and why you want to try erotic hypnotism in the first place. If you want to explore sexual desires, a sexual hypnotist is what you should look for, but if you need help overcoming sexual dysfunction or sexual trauma, a non-sexual, normal hypnotist can help.
Luke Chao, a hypnotist and instructor at The Morpheus Clinic for Hypnosis in Toronto, adds that you should find a hypnotist you absolutely trust. You need to feel comfortable in their hands and trust that they won’t take advantage of you in your open-minded state.
You can check out Thervo, a website that matches you with a hypnotist depending on your location and what you want to work on, or Psychology Today, which offers a list of hypnotists in your area.
You could find an expert by Googling, word of mouth, or asking around in kink groups. Chao specifically recommends the subreddit /r/HypnoHookup, a very active community of people seeking subjects or hypnotists. (Though, of course, always verify everyone's credentials!)
The erotic hypnosis community isn't a super public one, so it might be challenging to find an expert you trust and feel comfortable with at first. But as Dyachenko explains, just like with any other mental health professional, you should make sure they're qualified and have the right credentials, including references, previous clients, a certification or license to practice, etc.
“When you meet them, if you feel in any way uncomfortable with them, find someone else,” she adds. And remember, if someone’s an actual professional, they will have no issues answering as many questions as you have—so ask them.
Lastly, you and your hypnotists (again, whether they're a professional or your partner) should discuss what you want to achieve. You should set clear boundaries by talking about what you would feel comfortable exploring and what’s a hard no. Most erotic hypnotists that work with trauma and sexual gratification will not touch you, but that can be part of your contract. If you don’t want to explore a past sexual trauma or sex act that you don’t enjoy, then they will steer clear of that too.
What should you keep in mind when you first start practicing erotic hypnosis?
Chao explains that consent and boundaries are a must when exploring erotic hypnosis and should be discussed before diving into any sessions.
“There's a false idea that consent to hypnotize is also consent to anything that might happen during hypnosis, and this is categorically wrong and should not be tolerated as normal,” he says. “You should discuss preferences, soft limits, and hard limits in advance, with just as much seriousness as if your partner is about to tie you up and blindfold you.”
To give you an idea of some examples, if you’re working with an erotic hypnotist to increase your libido or help you reach an orgasm when you’re with a partner, then a boundary you might have is that they don’t touch you or they aren't allowed to train you to orgasm with one simple touch. If you and your partner are working with an erotic hypnotist, and they're teaching your dominant partner how to hypnotize you, a boundary might be that you and your partner will not have sexual intercourse in their office or in front of them. Another boundary you could establish is never being naked in front of your hypnotist.
Even if these boundaries feel obvious, it's important to verbalize them anyway to ensure you're all on the same page. Additionally, Chao says that although it might be the ultimate goal to fully trust your hypnotist, you should not let them do whatever they like with you from the get-go. Take time to build trust and you’ll reap the benefits.
Is there anything similar you could do if you’re not fully sold on hypnotism?
Letting someone hypnotize you, whether they're an expert or a partner, is a different level of trust and there’s really nothing like it out there. If you’re not sold on hypnosis, Chao says to simply not do it until you feel ready. (And if you never feel ready, that's totally okay.)
“Just like with all forms of bedroom play, it's supposed to be fun,” he says. “But if you reach a point where you think you might enjoy it with a particular partner, you might find it to be relaxing and liberating.”
You can also unpack past sexual trauma or work out any libido issues with a regular sex therapist. If you’re going on your own for sexual trauma, then they might help you unpack the situation in a safe space and give you coping mechanisms that can help you work through the issue. If you’re going to a sex therapist with your partner, then they might help you evaluate the relationship and your routines to see what’s at the root of whatever issues you're facing.
Erotic hypnosis isn’t for everyone, and there are plenty of other sexy things you can do if it doesn’t sound like your kind of thing. But if you’re interested and willing to be patient with yourself, the results of a few erotic hypnoses can be (maybe literally?) mind-blowing.
Rachel Varina is a full-time freelance writer covering everything from the best vibrators (the Lelo Sona) to the best TV shows (The Vampire Diaries). She has over 10 years of editorial experience with bylines at Women's Health, Elite Daily, Betches, and more. She lives in Tampa, Florida, but did not feed her husband to tigers. When she's not testing out new sex toys (100+ and counting so far!), she's likely chilling with her dogs or eating buffalo chicken dip. Ideally at the same time. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter.
