Whether it’s giving massages, typing out romantic texts, or casually moving your nails under the waistband of your partner’s pants, hands are essential for a lot of steamy sexual activities. But for some people, it’s the hands themselves that are the turn-on. And that, my friends, is what we call a hand fetish.
Just like foot fetishes, voyeurism, or exhibitionism might do the job for some people, interacting with or looking at fingers, palms, wrists, or whole the whole damn hand might get the juices flowing for others.
So if you catch yourself paying close attention to people's hands, feel yourself quivering during manis, love having your fingers sucked, or just simply want to know what having a hand fetish means, we've got you. Here's everything you need to know to start your hand fetish education.
What is a hand fetish?
A hand fetish is, well, a sexual interest in hands. Also known as quirofilia or cheirophilia, the interest can be in the whole hand itself or specific parts like the fingers, the palms, the nails, or even the back of the hands, explains Taylor Sparks, erotic educator and founder of Organic Loven.
If someone has a hand fetish, chances are it’s more specific than just being like, “Hands are cool.” In fact, Kenneth Play, international educator and creator of the Sex Hacker Pro Series, says it is usually super individualized and can range from “something mild, like wanting to date people with beautiful, manicured hands, to having specific ways of wanting to act this out, such as elaborate hand rubs, hand worship, and so on.”
So while you might like looking at my hands or finds hands to be attractive, in order to have a hand fetish, it would mean that you need some sort of hand stimulation in order to orgasm—hence what makes it a fetish and not just a turn on. (More on this below.)
Related terms:
Do I have a hand fetish?
People are attracted to hands for a variety of reasons. For some people, it's the sight, for some, it's the feel, and for some, it's watching their own hands do things, explains professional dominatrix and founder of The Dom House Mistress Rogue.
It’s important to note that while you might find hands sexy, a fetish isn’t just a casual attraction to hands. Sex therapist and resident sexologist for Adam & Eve Jenni Skyler, PhD, previously told Cosmopolitan that "when someone has a clinical fetish, they require the object [in this case, hands] to get turned on and orgasm."
So unless you literally have to see or interact with hands (or fingers, palms, etc) in order to get off, you don’t technically have a fetish. Odds are, instead, you’re a fan of hand worshiping or hand partialism. This is still a totally valid preference, and the below tips are definitely for you.
Why are people attracted to hands?
While Sparks says a person or situation in your past could have triggered a hand fetish, the truth is, it just kinda happens for some people. As long as everything is safe, consensual, and coercion-free, it's totally fine to lean into what feels good and what you like.
Plus, as far as body parts go, hands are actually a fairly common attraction for folks because they're pretty much always on display. Unlike feet or breasts or legs, seeing another person's naked hands happens regularly, so lots of people naturally pay attention to the nail length, shape, grooming habits, and jewelry.
In addition to hands being a pretty common sight, they're also one of the most sensitive parts of the body, says OkCupid's official dating coach and host of the Dates & Mates podcast, Damona Hoffman.
With over 3,000 touch receptors in each fingertip and 17,000 along each palm, the lightest touch, stroke, vibration, or temperature change lights up those nerve endings. Remember back in the days of simply holding hands and how amazing it felt when someone would rub their thumb over your fingers? Those are your touch receptors at work, people!
How do you start to explore hand stuff?
"Start with doing things with the hands that you enjoy—perhaps a well-lubricated hand job after a fresh manicure or sucking fingers as part of your foreplay," says Sparks. You can also try giving your partner a massage or watch them touch themselves. Whatever you do, pay close attention to how the actions feel and your body's response.
Additionally, Rogue suggests taking some time to research body language and practice utilizing your hands as a way of flirting. "Hands are very powerful when seducing one another," she explains. "Sometimes something as simple as caressing your partner's skin can get the temperature to rise quickly."
Sometimes people with hand fetishes or interest also find feet arousing. Granted, that doesn't mean everyone who has a hand fetish will also have a foot fetish, but Rogue says there's a decent amount of overlap. "It has a lot to do with how well kept they are—the color of the nail polish or lack of it, the length of the nails, toes, fingers, etc," she says.
So if you're into it, consider adding in some feet play to your sexy time to see if anything perks your interest.
How do you talk to your partner about your interest in hands?
Just like with any other kink, communication is key. Rogue says an easy way to casually integrate the topic into conversation is by grabbing your partner's palms and saying something along the lines of "you have pretty sexy hands, I want them on me."
When you do get into the topic, Play suggests chatting as straightforwardly and honestly as you can with your partner while encouraging them to do the same—what turns you on, what you enjoy seeing, how things feel to you, etc. This might be the chance for them to open up about their kinks or fetishes as well.
And if it turns out your partner isn't into hand stuff, there are still plenty of safe ways you can scratch that itch. You can get your nails done, book a massage and ask for extra concentration on the palms, or simply watch yourself masturbate—concentrating on your fingers as they move.
Are there any safety concerns to consider when having a hand fetish?
Being into hands is pretty safe by way of kinks and fetishes. Of course, you want to practice good general hygiene like keeping your hands clean and your nails at a reasonable length to avoid scratches (unless, of course, that's what you and your partner are looking for). It's also a good idea to scrub under your nails often because bacteria, dirt, and "other unsexy things" often live under there, explains Hoffman.
And even though hand play doesn't seem as intense as, say, temperature play, consent is still an absolute must. "Make sure you establish clear consent boundaries about where to touch and where not to," advises Rogue.
What are some fun ways to play if you have a hand fetish?
The best thing about being into hands is how many different play options there are. Give hand jobs! Watch your partner finger you! Give palm massages! Wash each other's hands! Simply ask your partner to trace your body with their fingertips!
If you're looking to turn things up even more, Sparks suggests rubbing some Slow Sex Finger Play gel on your partner or incorporating a finger vibe, like the Hot Octopuss DiGit, into the mix.
This is also the perfect excuse to get routine manis. "I personally believe that everyone should get manicures and pedicures regardless of gender," Rogue says. "Clean, well taken care of hands are very sexy. Honestly, they're underrated. A firm grip or a soft touch can drive your partner crazy—you just have to find out about their style."
Rachel Varina is a full-time freelance writer covering everything from the best vibrators (the Lelo Sona) to the best TV shows (The Vampire Diaries). She has over 10 years of editorial experience with bylines at Women's Health, Elite Daily, Betches, and more. She lives in Tampa, Florida, but did not feed her husband to tigers. When she's not testing out new sex toys (100+ and counting so far!), she's likely chilling with her dogs or eating buffalo chicken dip. Ideally at the same time. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter.
